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Cheap And Simple Ways To Ward Off Burglars
Published: July 31, 2007 | | 48393 Clicks
The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...

 



 

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A Shorewood resident told police that her mother had entered her home and fed her cat while she was away. She wanted her mother charged with a crime.

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David Faustino

David Faustino, who played Bud Bundy on the long-running comedy Married with Children, was arrested in May 2007 after police noticed him screaming at his ex-wife in the middle of an intersection. When the cops smelled alcohol on his breath and found marijuana in his pocket, he was booked on possession of marijuana and disorderly intoxication charges, at which time the mug shot below was taken.

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