The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.
Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!
Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?
Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...
Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!
To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...
A Valley West resident complained that her roommate allowed a paint-covered dog to wander around the apartment, leaving paint smudges all over the home.
The LAPD arrested former NYPD Blue star Kim Delaney in January 2002 for drunk driving, even though she was not driving at the time. A concerned motorist observed Delaney's erratic driving, called 911 to report it, and followed the actress to her home, where they were met by sheriff's deputies. The actress denied she had been drinking and declined to take a sobriety test. In February 2002, Delaney was sentenced to probation and ordered to pay a fine after pleading no contest to a charge of reckless driving.