The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.
Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!
Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?
Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...
Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!
To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...
Police spotted a fire crew hooking their hose into a hydrant and filling a private swimming pool with water, authorities said.
Scottsdale police arrested an inebriated Mike Tyson in December 2004 and charged him with misdemeanor criminal damage. According to the authorities, the ex-heavyweight champion left the Pussycat Lounge at 12:45 a.m. and jumped on the hood of a 1999 Toyota Solara. Tyson yelled at the car's driver while perched on his hands and knees, causing about $1500 in damage to the stranger's car.
Scottsdale police arrested former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson again in December 2006, this time charging him with drunk driving and possession of cocaine. Tyson, 40, was pulled over outside an Arizona nightclub when his BMW nearly struck a sheriff's cruiser. After failing the field sobriety tests, the police arrested the boxer for driving under the influence. Authorities also found two small bags of cocaine in Tyson's pocket and third bag in his car. He was booked into the Maricopa County Sheriff's lockup.