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The Chicago Police Department
Published: September 21, 2007 | | 30977 Clicks
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.

The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.

The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".

 



 

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A sick alligator was reported in a pond on Henderson Road on July 26. Police came and observed the 4-foot-long alligator. It did not look sick to them.

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Tony LaRussa

Jupiter, Florida, authorities charged MLB manager Tony LaRussa with drunk driving in March 2007. The official report states that the St. Louis Cardinals' manager was slumped over the wheel of a Ford SUV in an intersection around midnight. After failing field sobriety tests, the 62-year-old LaRussa was transported to the Palm Beach County Jail, where Breathalyzer tests showed his blood alcohol content to be .093 - above Florida's .08 legal limit. LaRussa posted $500 bond and was released.

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